Partner Services

The female partners of men attending either Phase I or Phase II of Changing Ways are invited to get information about the programs and referrals to community resources for themselves and their children by calling Susan at 780-439-4635 ext 224.

Services are provided to former partners as well as current partners.

Community Resources lists other programs available for men who are abusive, for women who are abused, and for children who are exposed to family violence.

Family Violence Information Sources lists books and websites where you can find information about family violence and how it affects adults and children.

Frequently Asked Questions About Family Violence answers questions about abusive behaviours and their impact on adults and children.

Frequently asked Questions about Changing Ways Groups provides detailed information about the men’s groups.

A Partner’s Perspective

This is an open letter from the partner of a Changing Ways participant. She has learned that change is possible and has agreed to share her story with you.

How do we end family violence? Can there be a simple, “one size fits all” solution?  Some would say no.  After all, each family situation is unique, with different cultural and socio-economic factors at work.  Every family has their own story.  In fact, the more I’ve talked with women who have experienced family violence, the more I’ve seen that there is no real “profile” of an abuser or a victim.  The reported statistics are staggering in themselves, but the majority of abuse happens in secret, with people feeling trapped with no way out. That’s how I felt, when I found myself in an abusive marriage.

If you or someone you care about is stuck in the trap of family violence, I want you to know there is a way out. There is hope. The solution is the same for everyone.

SOMEONE has to say “NO”!  Each family says 'no' in a different way.  It’s not easy, but it is the only way out.

Sometimes charges are laid and protection orders are in place.  Some people flee to shelters; others simply walk away from the relationship, never looking back.  Sometimes, abusers themselves want the violence to end and they bravely enrol in the Changing Ways program.  There are many different ways to say ‘no’.

The most important thing a person can do is make that decision not to live with family violence, even if it means ending the relationship with the abuser or victim.  This is the key.  Saying ‘no’ means that things will change. 

No matter how deep the hole may feel, there is a way out, and you do not have to climb your way out alone.

The Edmonton Family Violence Centre can help both abusers and victims gain the knowledge and give them the tools to say ‘no’ to family violence and make changes that put an end to family violence. Whatever your situation, they can help. They can help you put an end to violence in your family.

I know this to be true because they helped me. They also helped my husband. He was one of those few, brave men, who willingly looked for help to end his abusive ways. Our stories both had happy endings. We are very blessed that both of us wanted change and we were able to reunite our family. 

We did not know our story would end this way when we each, separately, chose to say 'no' to family violence. I want you to know that it only takes one partner to end the violence. Yes, you can end it alone, and you must be willing to do it alone if you are to succeed. Hopefully, your partner will follow you in seeking help.

I was given help by the Changing Ways partner outreach, the John Howard Society, the St. Albert Stop Abuse in Families (SAIF) society and the YWCA’s counselling and programming. With their help, I learned to say 'no' to abuse, and remained committed to saying 'no' even though I desperately loved and missed my husband.

Nobody loves the abuse, but we do love our partners. I don’t believe our reconciliation would have lasted if I, too, hadn’t made changes. I stopped blaming myself for the abuse. I learned why I found myself in the trap of family violence, and I learned how never to find myself trapped in that hole again.

I believe that saying 'no' and ending your abusive relationship is the only way to motivate your partner to change.  It takes courage.  Your best hope for a happy, healthy life together is if your partner successfully completes the Changing Ways Program and commits to Phase II of the program before you consider reconciliation.

If you have abused your partner, I believe saying 'no' and entering the Changing Ways is the only way of regaining trust with your partner and saving your relationship. It is the best way you can begin to heal the damage caused by family violence.  I can honestly say that I love my husband more now, because he proved his love for our family by making the changes needed for us to have a happy, healthy life together.

Forgiveness is very easy once someone has already changed their ways. For us, living apart was an expense we couldn’t afford.  Thankfully, we were helped by the Men’s Alternative Temporary Housing Supports program(MATHS) which gave my husband a place to stay while he continued to help pay our expenses. Nothing gave me more hope than seeing my husband prove his loyalty and support by paying our bills every month.He did this even though there was a protection order in place and he was facing criminal assault charges. Once my husband had completed the Changing Ways program, he pleaded guilty to the assault charges. His guilty pleas to the charges meant he would most likely have a criminal record and lose his job. Even so, he was willing to do whatever it took to make amends.I have heard him say, over and over again, “You cannot put conditions on the help you will accept. You must be willing to take any and all help to make changes.”

He is a man who knows what he’s talking about.The courts were so impressed by my husband’s commitment to change, and the fact that he had not abandoned our family financially, that he was given a conditional discharge, no criminal record, and was able to keep his job.Without the support of the Changing Ways Program, we would have lost everything.

Our reconciliation was the start of a new life together. With the help of EFVC, we have been able to put an end to family violence in our home.We have found the solution. The program continues to help us, almost three years later, by giving us tools to work together as a team and overcome some of the wounds caused by the abuse.

Today, we are a happy family. We enjoy and appreciate our lives together.The tools gained during this journey help us deal with day to day stresses and trials together, and as individuals.We are not ashamed to tell our story because we are just one of many families that have struggled with family violence. If we could change, then there is a solution, and hope for you, or someone else you know who is living with violence.

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